Diary Of A Christian Pilgrim — 7


My faith in God grew rapidly. My dad’s acceptance and support for me to continue my chosen religion, after much persecution, spurred me on to become more zealous in my journey to heaven.
It became so glaring that God had a special mission He wanted me to accomplish for Him. So I remained watchful and ready for His service anytime He calls. I preached boldly to my neighbours and colleagues at school. And to the glory of God, my evangelical outreaches yielded fruit.
My converts were mostly Muslim ladies on campus who miraculously developed dissatisfaction for their religion and wanted a way out… just like me. To these, I drew closer, and by purposeful friendship, through divine leading, I started preaching to them.

My “Win Them” Strategy

The strategy I mostly deployed to win them over was to share my personal experiences with them. This often encouraged them to take a bold step towards their salvation.
My triumph and deliverance in the face of persecutions due to my conversion from Islam to Christianity eventually became instrumental to my success in winning souls into the kingdom, as I never relented in sharing my life experience with whoever cared to listen.
Meanwhile, I still encountered opposition from devotees of my former religion, who now categorized me as an “infidel”. But I was never deterred. My hope hinged on God’s promises that No weapon that is formed against [me] shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against [me] in judgment [I] shalt condemn…(Isaiah 54:17).
I had proceeded to the university after my education at the National Teachers’ College. There, I remained steadfast in the faith, winning souls into the kingdom of God.
My conversion from Islam to Christianity was widespread amongst many students on campus. This endeared me to the Christian body, but also endangered me to the Muslim folks who had vowed to bring me back to their religion.
I was very handy during any evangelical outreach and boldly invited Muslim devotees to church programmes – a task many Christian brethren in the fellowship shied away from – much to the dismay and irritation of the Muslim community.
I joined the Gospel Publication Team of the Joint Campus Christian Fellowship and got appointed as the head of the unit. We went into lecture-free halls, recreational gardens, hangouts and hostels to preach the gospel fearlessly.

The Slippery Step

Sadly however, amidst these success stories, I carelessly let down my guard. I became too relaxed on God’s provisions for my deliverance during trials and temptations. I wasn’t watchful enough to heed Apostle Paul’s admonition to the Corinthian church:
Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices” (2 Corinthians 2:11), and I fell rather cheaply to his wiles.

This great slip of compromise happened during my final semester on campus. Our fellowship had been invited to a programme by another Campus Christian Fellowship in another state. Examinations were just around the corner, so the leadership of the fellowship thought it unwise to allow her members to actively participate in the programme. Therefore, a few of the executive members were appointed to attend the programme. Two brothers and a sister, including me, were appointed to go.
All four of us set out for the campus on a bright Saturday afternoon, after a brief admonition by our Campus Pastor. It was already dawn when we got to our destination. The executives there received us warmly and showed us our lodging rooms (brothers and sisters apart). The room allocated to me was different from the one allocated to the other sister.
Meanwhile, a few hours later, more participants arrived, and more sisters joined us in the rooms. It was during our interactions that I met Sister Becky.
Sister Becky invited the ladies in the room to an “All Sisters’ Programme” in her own fellowship. The programme was scheduled to come up the following week. She shared the invitation fliers to us. A quick glance at the handbill told me the venue was not too distant from my campus.

A Memorable Outing

Sis Becky emphasized that just one representative was required from each campus. So without consulting my fellowship leadership, I quickly volunteered to be there, so as to ease the leadership the stress of looking for who to appoint. More so, I was already developing a strange likeness for Sister Becky.
The programme ended well and we were back to our various campuses. Incidentally, I’d forgotten to notify my fellowship leaders of the invite I’d received and had already agreed to attend. More so, I had almost forgotten about it myself. It was a reminder text I received from Sis Becky on a Friday, a day before the programme that jolted my memory.
Immediately, I started preparing for the programme. The following day, I grabbed my handbag which contained my Bible, put some tracts inside it, and off I went.

The Twist

I first arrived at the address Sister Becky gave me. It was her house, where I was supposed to meet other ladies, from where we would go to the venue together. On getting there, I met other ladies loosely enjoying themselves with some drinks and small chops on the table.
The scene shocked me. It obviously wasn’t a Christian gathering, nor the ladies present there believers. I called Sister Becky aside to inquire about what was going on, and she simply blurted out that the event was HER BIRTHDAY PARTY!!! She said I shouldn’t worry, that we would have fun together.
I concealed my disgust because I did not want to embarrass myself before the gathering. I had the premonition to leave immediately, but another thought came to my mind.
“Use this medium to evangelize them”, I said to myself. So I sat down waiting for the best opportunity to do so. I felt the urge to share the tracts in my handbag to them, while I waited for the best time to share the Word with them. But I sat put and kept quiet.

In The Den

It seemed I was glued to the seat and enjoying the scene before me because I wasn’t feeling the urge to leave there just yet. There seemed to be a supernatural force compelling me to stay yet another minute, perhaps I could get the “best” chance to preach to them.
Little did I know that I had walked carelessly into the devil’s den. “Sis Becky” brought me a drink in a glass and told me to “chill with that first”. I smiled and accepted the drink, feigning maturity. “Sure, I can win this folk, and a mere drink wouldn’t be harmful. It could be a means to reaching them,” so I thought.
As I brought the glass close to my mouth, it smelt awful. I couldn’t drink it but placed it on the table. Becky approached me, asking why I hadn’t drunk it. She said it was just a mere glass of wine that was good for the heart. I told her I didn’t like the smell but she urged me on. So I drank it.
More drinks came and I drank them all without much resistance. Within a short while, I was completely drunk. In my subconscious mind, I wanted to rise up and leave, but I was too weak. Becky suggested that I rest there for the night and leave the following day. I obliged. Before long, I had fallen asleep…


A Black Day

It was a few minutes past 8 o’clock the following day that I woke up. The sound of my 4:30am Sunday alarm must have been too weak to wake me up because the alcohol was still having its toll on me.
I looked dazed as I consulted my wristwatch for the “real-time”. The wall clock in the room had said the time was 8:10am. I didn’t believe it. Perhaps the clock has stopped working.
My deafening scream at the realization of the time woke the other ladies in the room and also brought others from the adjacent rooms. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Sunday Service in the Campus Fellowship started by 7:00am.
I was to assist the Prayer Coordinator with the pre-service prayers which should start by 6:45am. Here I was, in a strange place far away from the fellowship at 8:10am.
What explanation would I give the brethren? That I was invited to a programme I didn’t inform anyone about? A supposed Christian programme which turned out to be a frivolous party? That I had gotten drunk with alcohol and had a terrible hangover?
Oh God, please forgive me just this once, I muttered under my breathe as I hurriedly got dressed. The other ladies merely stared at me as I got dressed and left without saying a word. In my panic, I hadn’t noticed that my head ached badly.

Swimming Downward

It was on the street that the realization and effect of my deteriorated state dawned on me. I began to feel very dizzy. I struggled to wave down a cab which I took straight to my apartment off-campus.
That day, for the first time since my conversion, I didn’t attend a Sunday Service. How strange it was to me. I spent the whole day crying, praying, and asking God for forgiveness. My health had also worsened. I was in a very bad state.
After service, the church leadership sent some brethren to check on me and find out the reason for my absence in the service that morning. They met me in this state and instantly knew that I was not okay.
So I wasn’t questioned why I was absent at the church. One of the sisters even offered to prepare a meal for me, while another went to get drugs for me from the nearby chemist. I was just speechless and watched as they did all these.
Before they left, they made sure I was in a better state and prayed with me. Later that day, the Campus Pastor called to check on my health and also prayed with me. The love and compassion the brethren showed me in this state even made me more ashamed of myself.

The Bottled Up Secret

I decided to keep my sinful adventure to myself.  I’d rather seek forgiveness from God than confess my sins to the pastor, and lose my regard before the brethren, I thought.
I prayed and prayed that night until I slept off. The following day, I got better. I called all the brethren who visited me, and the Pastor to express my gratitude and to tell them that I felt better that morning. They all expressed appreciation to God for making me recover so quickly.
Everything went back to normal, and I continued my “service” to God in my sinful state of degradation. But God was not pleased with me. Although I had convinced myself that my sins were forgiven, I still felt I needed to inform the church. But another thought came that since God has forgiven me, I didn’t need to inform the church again. So I resolved to keep the secret to myself.

And Life Continued Until…

Final exams were written. The questions weren’t difficult for me as I had covered every topic during my personal revision. At the end of the semester, the Campus Fellowship organised a “Seal-up” prayer programme to secure our examination papers, for good grades and for God’s favour before the lecturers.
Though I had “dropped my final pen” in the university, I still had my projects to complete. So I stayed back on campus to complete them after most students had gone home. That was when the unexpected happened…
Exactly one week after the exams, I took ill. I visited the clinic for a medical check-up and the doctor prescribed some drugs. I took them and felt better.
A few days later, I discovered that my monthly period was 5 days late. I was alarmed at this discovery. A cold sweat ran down my spine as I dreaded the unimaginable. But I wanted to clear all doubts.
The following day, I went to a clinic far away in another community. I presented myself for a pregnancy test. To my dismay and horror, it turned out to be positive.

A Christian Virgin Pregnant?

How is this possible? I was a virgin! How can this happen? I, a virgin Christian, pregnant? Oh God, I am doomed, I cried.
I went back to my apartment, feeling as if I was in some form of trance and would soon be revived from it. I recalled my escapades at Becky’s Party. Could I have been raped? I didn’t notice any foul play on my body that night. Neither did I discover any pain in my private part after I left there.
Perhaps my emotional state and shame had not made me realize that my body had been abused. The drugs the fellowship sisters bought for me could also have relieved me of some pains and made me unaware of the damage on my body. I instantly felt dirty. Ashamed. Angry. Dejected. Sober.
I called Becky and narrated my state to her. But she vehemently denied having any male guest at her party that night. She reminded me that she had said the “programme” was an “All Sisters’ Programme”. So no man came there that day. But I wasn’t convinced.
How else could I have gotten pregnant? A man must have been lurking around the premises or perhaps, let into the house while we slept, and must have raped me. Or perhaps “us”, including the other ladies who slept in the room with me, if they weren’t involved in the setup.

Another “Secret” Thought

I couldn’t even pray. I felt too spiritually weak to pray. Tears poured down my cheeks uncontrollably and sometimes I looked blank. My spiritual state had suddenly dropped to zero.
The absence of the brethren on campus, (because of the end of the academic session) made the whole situation so awkward for me. There was no one to share my thoughts and dilemma with. Just my conscience. My evil conscience.
In a bid to further conceal my sin and shame, only one thought appealed to me. And my heart was made up. I was not ready to entertain any other suggestions.
Abortion… That was the only option…
What happened next? Watch out!

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